Sales & Marketing

Using Google Reviews And TripAdvisor As Comparable Hookup Apps For Your Hipster Cafe

Customer Relations, Management, Sales & Marketing, Style & Design / /

Third-party restaurant review platforms such as Google Reviews and TripAdvisor are comparable to hookup apps like Tinder and Grindr. I know, please bear with me. Instead of people vetting hookup profiles for an enjoyable date, they’re vetting restaurant profiles for an enjoyable dining experience. Following the hookup analogy, your hipster cafe (as crude as this […]

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Your Menu Sucks: How To Design It To Get More Money From Cambodian Or English-Speaking Hipsters

Sales & Marketing, Style & Design / /

Have you ever sat down at a restaurant, browsed through their menu and felt increasingly frustrated? Perhaps you were overwhelmed by too many options. Or several food names/descriptions were incoherent and confusing. Or you were running errands under the hot scorching sun, needed an iced cold beverage but couldn’t find the damn drink list. Restaurant

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Basic Info You Need To Mention When Advertising In Facebook Groups

Sales & Marketing / /

To make it easier for new and existing customers to follow you, when advertising in Facebook groups (who knows why), always pretend you’re a nameless salesperson. Assume nobody knows who you are and what you’re promoting. Your intent is to annoy strangers, announcing irrelevant information to most people passing by. In your post, mention the

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How To Choose Your Brand Name, Prostitute It And Maximise Profits

Sales & Marketing / /

The name of your hipster cafe should follow the 3 C’s: catchy, concise, and contextual. It should quickly convey what your hipster cafe represents, and tell a story or vision that resonates with your target audience. If a brand name meets this criteria, it lends itself to better, more effective marketability. In 2015 my business

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How To Make Instagrammable Food That Attracts Hoards Of Hipsters

Food, Sales & Marketing, Satire / /

It’s important that your hipster cafe serves Instagrammable food. If your hipster cafe doesn’t serve Instagrammable food, it risks vanishing despite technically existing. The shallow life of hipsters revolves around social media (TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, etc), only validating and giving existence to things that are constantly present in the form of comments, photos and videos.

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