Third-party restaurant review platforms such as Google Reviews and TripAdvisor are comparable to hookup apps like Tinder and Grindr. I know, please bear with me. Instead of people vetting hookup profiles for an enjoyable date, they’re vetting restaurant profiles for an enjoyable dining experience.
Following the hookup analogy, your hipster cafe (as crude as this sounds) is a socially accepted and welcomed prostitute, eagerly providing services to as many clients as they can handle for money. You—the hipster cafe owner—are the pimp/madam.
Let’s be real though, you’re using the cafe and their clients for financial gain.
If you want numerous clients to hook up with your hipster cafe, you must have in-depth knowledge of your clients’ preferences, manicure your hipster cafe’s hookup profiles (restaurant review platforms), and present your hipster cafe’s most attractive features.
Optimising Your Hipster Cafe’s Hookup Profiles
Is your hipster cafe worth my time and money? Potential clients will shrewdly ask themselves this question when checking out your hipster cafe’s hookup profiles, if they ever find it (that’s another topic).
When potential clients are checking out your hipster cafe’s hookup profiles, they’re seeking: 1) clear, attractive photos of food, decor, ambience and menus; 2) specific keywords; and 3) reviews from other clients. Especially negative reviews and your responses to them.
Your Replies To Negative Reviews
How you reply to negative reviews can make or break a client’s hookup with your hipster cafe. The safest course is to give the benefit of doubt to the reviewer, respond diplomatically, acknowledge mistakes, clarify by giving context, apologise and offer solutions if it’s appropriate (discount, refund, replacement, etc). Your goal here isn’t to win back or appease the negative reviewer. It’s to demonstrate your professionalism, charisma and tact—attractive qualities—to other potential clients.
The following review is a grave accusation of food poisoning at our hipster cafe Bang Bang, and my diplomatic reply to the client on TripAdvisor.
We understand; it’s sometimes tempting to reply to negative reviews with insults or sarcasm, but it’s best to avoid it. Even if it’s deserved, a reply with a harsh or mocking tone is off-putting to most people, losing you more potential clients than gaining them.
There may be one exception: If the reviewer is rude, at fault, maliciously provides mis/disinformation, and accuses your hipster cafe of serious allegations, you may counter their negative review with attitude.
The following negative TripAdvisor review produced my most controversial reply as a hipster cafe owner (i.e., pimp/madam). Because I was egocentric and craved attention, I shared it with a relevant Facebook group and asked, “Was I out of line?” Many group members supported my criticism. The remainder (including my business partner) labelled it as extreme and unprofessional, which I didn’t deny.
Specific Keywords
What type of client would hook up with your hipster cafe? If you did your research, you can describe a minimum of 3 distinct profiles.
Examples.
Below are 3 distinct profiles of clients who often hooked up with our hipster cafe Bang Bang, each represented by an arbitrary code name:
- Marina (female, 20s – 30s, volunteering, interning or employed at an upscale hotel, loves spa treatments, traveling, shopping, exercising, and dining at restaurants)
- Megan (female, 30s – 40s, employed at a school or non-governmental organisation, or self-employed, loves gardening and reading books, is a parent and/or pet-owner)
- Michael (male, 30s – 40s, digital nomad, loves outdoor activities like fishing and camping, interested in cryptocurrency, global politics and economics)
By regularly interacting with our clients in person or online, we can further learn about their interests and preferences, and identify specific keywords that appeals to each demographic.
- Marina (breakfast, brunch, coffee, smoothie, vegetarian, vegan, healthy, gluten free)
- Megan (coffee, juice, takeaway, family friendly, cookie, cake, bread, sourdough)
- Michael (coffee, craft beer, bread, sourdough, cheese, burger, free wifi)
Once you have a collection of keywords to entice clients, you may mention them in your hipster cafe’s hookup profiles (restaurant review platforms): ‘About’ and ‘Details’ section, captions or descriptions in posts, replies to reviews, etc.
Don’t overdo it, though. Don’t liberally sprinkle keywords into your content like Parmesan cheese on spaghetti. If keywords are mentioned excessively or out of place, potential clients will perceive your hipster cafe as trying too hard and desperate.
Clear, Attractive Photos Of Food, Decor, Ambience And Menu
Do’s and don’ts.
- Do post your own photos
- Do post photos related to your keywords (see above points)
- Do post Instagrammable foods
- Do post your most up-to-date menus (and remove outdated menus)
- Do post photos of live, fun, busy events at your hipster cafe
- Don’t post deceptive photos of food, decor or ambience. For example, if your cookies are considerably small, don’t post closeup shots, making them appear larger
- Don’t post photos of an empty cafe; that’s sad
- Don’t post photos of other clients unless they’re in the background OR, if up-close, visibly cheerful/happy and match your target clients’ looks and style (proverb: birds of a feather flock together)
Final Tip: Pay Attention To The Basics
Regularly review the hookup profiles of your hipster cafe and ensure that all information is accurate including your business name, address, phone number, website URL, hours of operation, and services/products offered.